Slumped in the corner of his bedroom, exhausted and sad, he stared into the darkness. His music was playing, and the dogs were barking uncontrollably, but he heard only the sound, in his memory, of her last words,”I’m leaving!” This wasn’t the first time that she had left him for another man. No, not at all; it was the fifteenth. Each incident was equally as devastating and hard to accept as the previous. He always told himself that he would never take her back, that she had ruined his life for the last time. But, as always, his will was no match against her cunning cries for forgiveness. “Not this time though,” he told himself. “She cut me too deep. I can’t continue to take her back and endure this torment again!”
Over and over, the images of her and those men defiantly, teasingly played in his mind. The things that she was doing with them and the sound of their perverted laughter was haunting. He cried bitterly as his body convulsed. He beat the walls and the floor while screaming, “whhhyyy, whhhyyy, whhhyyy?” Eventually, he had no more tears, his eyes were swollen shut. His fists were a bloody mess of shredded skin. He was completely worn out causing him to sink to the floor in that corner. He had no strength to move for the remainder of the night.
Drifting in and out of torturous sleep, he recalled the time that she informed him of her first pregnancy. Of all nights to tell him, she chose the night that he arrived home from working a six day, twenty-hour span during the hottest week of the year. He had worked at all three of his jobs, one at the construction site , one at the factory, and the other at the farm. All were extremely labor intensive; so, he was tired, hot and “bothered” when she opened the door. At first, he didn’t notice her quiet statement that the baby was not his.
Slowly oozing like pus from a sore, the words finally penetrated into his brain. At first, he silently repeated them to himself. Then, he became louder and louder each of the ten times that he said them. He was so enraged that the quaking from his body caused the floor to vibrate. Pictures fell from the wall, furniture shifted, and her favorite mirror broke. He wanted to slap her to the floor. He wanted to grab her by her neck and literally throw her out of his house. He wanted to yell at the top of his lungs. But he didn’t.
He simply sat down, placed his hands on the top of his head, and stared at her. Not only did he assume responsibility for that child’s care, he accepted the six who followed – who also were not fathered by him. He had even accepted that she had several abortions that she thought were hidden from him.
Another recollection was the time that he had taken her on an extravagant shopping trip. He bought her several pairs of shoes with purses and hats to match. He bought her the most beautiful dresses, alluring lingerie, and the best fragrances. For three hours, he sat and waited for her while she was pampered with hair, nail, and facial services. Then, he “wined and dined” her at her favorite restaurant. When they arrived at home, she thanked him with a grandfatherly kiss on his cheek. Taking her new lingerie and fragrances, she left him at home.
“How much more of this am I to take, Lord?” he prayed. “This burden is more than I can bear. Everyone knows what’s going on and are laughing at me. They refer to me as the biggest fool of all times. My neighbors, my co-workers, even my children’s teachers have confessed to enjoying her in the lingerie that I gave her. You instructed me to love her in good times and bad – and I do with all my heart. However, I don’t know how to tame her, and my manhood is lost.”
He had made countless attempts to make her happy and want to be with him. Among his efforts was buying her an eight bedroom, five bathroom estate. When she said that she wanted a new car, he bought her the top-of-the-line, newest edition Mercedes Benz. When she asked for some “alone” time, he paid for her to travel abroad sending her with money for lavish shopping sprees. Every week, he gave her all of his salary, after bills were paid, and never questioned what she did with the money.
He tried compromising with her by giving her ‘space’ and resisting the urge to pressure her. He begged her to go with him to marital counseling, but she refused. He begged her to attend church with him, but she resisted as if fearing that she would catch afire upon crossing the threshold of a church. “Father, I just don’t understand” he said. “I have tried everything that I know to make her see that I love her.”
There were a few times that he thought he was going to “put his foot down” with her. He threatened to beat her if she and her friends were ever again caught snorting coke in the presence of the children. Not only did she continue, she encouraged the oldest child to participate. He threatened to permanently banish her from the home if she continued to party all night at the men’s club. She then began to party for several days at a time. He threatened to deny her access to funds and credit cards. She, in turn, sold the twenty thousand dollar ring set that he had given her.
His thoughts of all that has happened during their ten year marriage were pushed about as if assaulted by a bulldozer. Along with his feelings of despair, they were dug up, turned upside down, squashed under the weight of the tires, buried under tons of dirt, and dug up again. Still sitting in the corner of his room, he had no strength to protest, no strength to negotiate, no strength to hope for her return. He had no strength at all.
In case you have not made the connection, the rejected man is Jesus at Calvary, and the whoring wife is all of us. Are we to continue to mistreat Him – the one who does ALL to take care of us?
By Sister Flora Parrish